Realization

Well here it goes.....this is my first time doing this, but have been tempted for a long time to get started.

Mainly Im doing this to let out some steam, of constant disappointment and finding out what is truly important in ones life, against what tradition or society may think.
Ive grown up with the dream in the back of my mind, that life was going to be easy I would go to college, fall in love, stay in love, get married, and have babies and live happily everafter! WRONG!!
Lifes a little more tricky than I thought I made all the mistakes youre not supposed to make, just by following my heart and not using my head! Silly Girl!
I was so blinded by love so many times and let myself get lost in the men that I loved for the sake of being loved back.
Im going to be 30 on Valentines Day, double whammy I suppose! Still in school, still in debt, still living at home and in another complicated realationship. Although this guy is different and the situation is complicated, this one is actually a good guy, but as usual Im not getting the whole perfect package I want.
He has baggage, I of course have baggage, but he was accepting of all this. Till four months after a perfect realationship, I get what all girls love to hear.......I love you, but I dont know if Im in love with you and I need sometime to think. Blah Blah Blah!
Now the nice part of me thinks okay?! You need time I can do that. But.....as always I give my all and love so deeply to have the one I thought I wouldnt have to worry about never not love me, is actually saying this.
So here we go again! Now the selfish, maybe even strong part of me, which never lasts long, thinks who needs this again??? Are you kidding me? Im gonna be thirty, thought this just may be it, Im actually really happy, its all falling into place, and then in one second it all comes falling down around me. Now I know life changes with every breath we take, but sometimes that feeling of hopelessness is just too powerful.
So.....Ive come to the realiztion that maybe my destiny will find me, I just need to take some detours, and it doesnt matter that everyone around me is a couple or married or the things I want in life are falling in their laps,
that my journey before I settle down isnt over yet!
Ive realized its time to love myself, relax, take deep breaths and enjoy the gift of life, and all the small things that in the everyday hustle and bustle people dont stop to take in!
Im going to set myself free and be me....consume myself with happiness even if it must be forced! lol
Life is too short to chase a dream, that you have to let find you!